FALL IS THE START OF A LONGER HARD SEASON

In my opinion fall is sort of the beginning of a prolonged "hard season" for grievers. Personally, there’s a lot of missed milestones in the fall for my particular journey so this is why I may feel that way, but I also feel like the season and one that follows make grief feel a bit more difficult.

In the fall the days start to get darker faster and let's face it dealing with darkness at 4pm is depressing all on it’s own, forget grief mixed in.

Then you've got Thanksgiving. You know, where you are supposed to feel thankful or grateful. You're a bystander to other's expressing their blessings, which is a pretty isolating and lonely experience. You of course also have to get through the actual holiday with out your loved one there.  

Thanksgiving is of course followed up by Christmas. Way to much prep and gatherings, when really you probably want to hibernate because of your grief. You may feel forced into things for this holiday which can bring on feelings of exhaustion and bitterness. You may also feel bitterness from again watching people count their blessings or worse witnessing people completely ignorant to what’s important in life and watch them be consumed by the complete greedy commercial aspect of what this holiday has become. And, again you have to get through the holiday itself with your loved one absent.

I think people outside of grief think “oh gosh, it must be so hard to get through the (ONE) day without your loved one”, but grief is so much more complex than that and getting through holidays or special days is often more than just the day. There is the anticipatory grief ahead of an occasion, the day of and then the grief hangover, which newsflash lasts longer than a fun nights out hangover.

Now you’ve survived Christmas only to now have New Year's Eve right behind it. People around you celebrating the year that's passed and making new plans/goals for the year ahead. Unfortunately with grief you can't just wipe the slate clean because a new year is here. Sometimes nothing feels like being celebrated after a loss or you may feel like celebrating and that can bring on feelings of guilt. Either scenario is going to be hard to understand or navigate through.  

After surviving all those busy holiday scenarios, January and February bring on a whole lot of nothingness. Nothing to survive through or keep your mind busy. Winter allows for a lot of thinking, reliving scenarios… Just a lot of heaviness.