Not How I Envisioned It


FEB 26 2018

The day after my sweet babe decided to sleep in her big girl room my stepdaughter told us she was moving out. It's almost like, despite their huge age gap, they already have an intense unknown sibling connection. The littlest one was prepping me for an even bigger life moment I was going to have to accept. Again this life change wasn't a surprise, she had gotten an apartment months ago with her boyfriend but in another city and the move was something we had discussed previously. She was still only living with us because she was in search of a new job in the city her apartment was in. I just selfishly hoped she'd never find a job in that city and would have to stay put, also a bit of denial I guess? I was also hopng so much time would pass she'd change her mind and stay longer. She'd realize she liked her current job to much, she'd start thinking she'd miss us to much to permantly leave. Or at least the pets! 

Of course her moving out on her own wasn't 100% supported by us for various personal reasons, one being that she's so young still. As any parent does, you worry. Its already hard enough finance wise for young people, so you worry they're making it harder on themselves by leaving "the nest" to soon. You also wonder what have you maybe done to make them want to move out at a younger age. Have you not provided the safe and nuturing environment you thought you had for them? I would have much preferred she lived with us until she was like 30 and about to get married. Is that crazy unrealistic mum mode? My biggest concern about my stepdaughter has always been she puts to many of her eggs in one basket and may be setting herself up for heartache and a painful life lesson. However I do understand at some point you have to cut those apron strings and allow them to learn those life lessons on their own. You can't tell them a lesson when you yourself don't know what the outcome might be. Plus once she has an idea in her head much like her father (though she'd never admit to that) there really is no talking her out of it.

I just had always envisioned her moving out so differently. Obviously she'd be older, we'd help her move in to her first place, probably even help her find the place? We'd help get it set up, her dad would paint for her, hang up pictures on the wall, I'd help her shop for home decor etc. None of that happened, like zero. The move was decided just after the baby was born (and no it wasn't because of the baby) so my husband and I were sleep deprived and not really with it mentally. My stepdaughter found her own places to look at, looked at them on her own with her boyfriend and then eventually moved all his stuff and most of her's to the apartment on her own. We haven't even seen it. A part of me feels so guilty for not having any part of it but at the same time pretty proud that she is so self suffcient. You want to protect your kids from hardships but not so much they can't function as adults. Once they're out of your home your reach of protection is so much smaller as is your connection to them. I'll miss our banter about beauty trends, friend dramas, celebrity gossip, trying to get healthy and fit together and then failing to get healthy and fit together, watching our "shows", making fun of my husband. I'll just miss her.